Mama Mia Here I Go Again

I met a man a while back. This year we chanced to come together. He was single and so was I. We found we enjoyed a lot of the same things and before we knew what happened we became significant to each other.

He had a heart condition but we both figured we could work with that and still have a relationship. As it turned out, he was diagnosed with a very serious and aggressive cancer in June. He is "writing the last pages of his life" right now and I am in vigil once again with a man I love as he deals with cancer in which there is no hope.

I can look at my life and ask why I have loved three men, two died of cancer and it appears the same thing is happening to the third one. I find there can be many reasons or none at all. The only thing I can do is to find the blessings in these incidences. Each relationship brought me challenges and joys. Each gave me experiences that were good for my soul in some form or another. How can I regret any of these?

But I have to say that the level of maturity both in the human sense and spiritual sense that I have reached and my third love has also reached enabled us to experience a coming together, a union, that I cannot begin to describe adequately. It surprised and delighted both of us. Neither of us had ever experienced anything like it before. What a beautiful blessing this union has been as short lived as it appears it will be. We don't need a marriage document or ceremony. We were not interested in getting married in the legal sense at all. We felt our souls were united and that is all that counts. We have had no need of "legalizing" our union. We understand more clearly the meaning of "Those whom God has united..."

Loving is our priority. There are no conditions to fill in order for either of us to stay "in love". We are devoted to one another in sickness and in health. It is my joy to take care of him even though it is not an easy job and it is one that leaves me exhausted at times.

As Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote: "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... I love thee with the breath,Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,I shall but love thee better after death.