Grief happens everytime we lose some thing or some one that is important to us. It doesn't have to be the death of a loved one before we can experience grief.
Today I noticed that when tears come upon me they carry with them a different feel or tone no matter how it may seem that it is one and the same thing. Within the grief or feeling are many layers. I suppose if you could sense, hear or feel a vibrational wave with each you would then be better able to detect the subtle differences.
For example, sometimes when I grieve it is nothing but pure and simply missing Ron. I miss his touch or being able to touch him. I miss the embraces, the conversations we had, playing Scrabble, taking a walk together, hearing his voice, sharing a meal, holding hands, and all the things couples enjoy with one another.
At times what I am feeling is an emptiness, a loneliness, or not having a sense of purpose or direction because he was my point of reference for everything I did. Everything revolved around my relationship with him.
Memories come up sometimes when I least expect them and I realize we can make no more memories. Never again and this thought can overwhelm me if I am not careful.
There are other gradients of sadness, anger, self-pity, fear, and emptiness that come and go.
When I can let go, there is a peace and an acceptence that some times surprises me but it gives me hope that in time I will not be so reactive to these things that well up inside of me.
Grief is grief and it wears many faces. Any time there is any loss - a friendship, a job, a dream, a hope, or even our tangible things that may be destroyed or lost to us somehow - we go through grief to some extent which brings with it many emotions and feelings that overlap and these are not easily sorted out one from another.
Pain is pain. We can give it our respect whether it is ours or someone else's, entertain it for a while, but then we need to let it go. We have to say goodbye and sometimes we have to do this over and over until it transforms into a new way of being and thinking. A drug addict or alcoholic has to develop a new way of thinking and of being without the drug or alcohol. It is no different when we have lost our job, a loved one, our home, our purpose and so on. Things are not the same.
We have to feel what we are feeling, we have to go through it to get through it until we can let go and to begin to make for ourselves a comfortable place again. One by one the faces of grief will be addressed and released and like a butterfly climbing out of its cocoon, we will be free again.
